No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
