the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
