GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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