dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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