Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
