funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
