I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
