so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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