Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
