new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
