she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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