So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
