Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
