Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
