what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
