so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
how drunk are you?
Several
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
