Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
