Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
