Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
