If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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