just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
