My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
