Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
