i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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