I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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