a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
