Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
