half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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