Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
