Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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