So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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