I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
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So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
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Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just forgot I was standing up.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize