david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
