I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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