Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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