i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
