OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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