I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
