i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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