you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
