Can i not drive my cunt home
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize