So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
