Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
