I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
