Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
