she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
