Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
