Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
