I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
