I molested 6 butterflies tonight
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We have so much sex to catch up on
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
