Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
