My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If its not for food we ain't going out.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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