I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
