I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So squirting runs in the family.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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