dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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