i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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