after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
