Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
