They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
