I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize