You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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