Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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