The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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