i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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