I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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