Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
