I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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