then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
