Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
