the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
