I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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