i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We need to get me chipped asap
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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