youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
