why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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