That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
