why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
